**NSFW: Contains Nudity**
Why the second shoot? I'm not really sure why... I know things have changed for me in the past few years, sexuality wise. I would say I accept my fluidity now, after suppressing or denying it for awhile. Though I do feel hemmed in, in my personal life/socially, and not really in the best place living-wise... but I also didn't want to lose sight of who I am, or where I am in life. So I guess, getting some photos done for when I turned 40 was something I really wanted to do. I have no one to share this milestone with, so I may as well capture it while I still look good.
The photos made me feel good. I am very happy with them. I think I see a lot in them and appreciate myself. It got me thinking of others who maybe struggle with this, or go much further and change. I felt very sexy, and happy, but also powerful, successive, and humbled... as well as a sense of relief, and sad in a way too. I guess my emotions are everywhere, but given the choice, I would do it all over again without the slightest hesitation.
I think both the feminine and masculine photos are great and I love how I look in the feminine ones. I was amazed at how good I look as a female (with out those wonderful curves) and how at ease and happy and how much fun I was having. I was more nervous going full nude, but [Molly is] such an amazing artist that I was so at ease.
I find these photos can be inspirational to whomever sees them, including to myself. I am an individualist and don't do the political norm. I am a Caucasian, Ginger, Slovakian, Irish, Scottish, blue/green eyed ambidextrous, divorced, "bisexual" single father who works two jobs to get by, and sometimes I dress in drag...so yeah no category for me... but we're all just individuals and one can't forsake another. A human is a human.
Doing this shoot was definitely out of character for me, but also I felt very comfortable doing this second shoot. It was a lot of fun. It was fun to dress up, step out and be vulnerable, yet free and expressive. I was nervous unlike the previous shoot, which was also a first time thing, this was a much more vulnerable and intimate level and perhaps unexplored...drag queen boudoir?? perhaps not though. Also a few photographers that I had messaged and talked to were very much opposed to male nudity as in no junk shots. Kind of disappointing and a double standard and not what I was looking for anyways. I was about capturing my body, my temple, myself.